Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
