i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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