So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
