so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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