Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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