the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
