I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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