I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she told me i tasted like america
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
