He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize