My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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