so explain again why im purple
no
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
