I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
