you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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