I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
