Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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