he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You ruined the universe
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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