Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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