If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She said her name was "party"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
