Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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