I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
