Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
