We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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