i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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