Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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