oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
