that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
