I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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