he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
