Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
