someone get that fucking seahorse.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize