Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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