I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
