My brain says no but my pants say off.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
