alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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