I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
