How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
