I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
