alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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