Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
