This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
