If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
