i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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