Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
