Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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