My friends, they love my intelligence
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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