Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize