I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
