i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
