its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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