i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
