Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
