so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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