That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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