dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
