Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
