It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so let's talk penis.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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