Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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