Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
