Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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