my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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