She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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