i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
