who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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