im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
