If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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