If i come over, it means nothing
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woke up backwards on a recliner
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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