Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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